As I collapsed in bed after a long day of
"Will I ever get this right"
"It has been years and I still struggle with..."
"I am a horrible Christian"
"God, why can't I just do..."
"I can't stand my selfishness..."
The dialog went on and on until I had literally beat myself up! I couldn't be satisfied with just being physically exhausted I had to drain myself mentally and emotionally to justify my own failures. It was as if I needed to punish myself for my failures and shortfalls. That I was not only setting my standard for the whole day with a check list to complete but then I sat myself down after the day and reviewed my failures to somehow make myself feel better.WHAT IN THE WORLD! Then the sweet words from the book of Ephesians chapter one came to my heart. This is not my story but HIS story...that I had done enough self loathing and condemnation over my day and had forgotten it was really His day. That I had literally been so absorbed in my day, my children, my household management, my definition of an effective day that I forgot that the Lord himself had given me this day!
"In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished on us. In all wisdom and insight He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention which He purposed in Him…" Ephesians 1:7-9
So I lay my head down tonight and remember according to HIS grace which HE lavished on me! Praise the Lord for His grace and mercy that He so generously lavishes on me during the times when I need it most but am too busy or prideful to notice. Therefore, I go to rest my mind and body knowing that His mercy is new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23) and I shall arise refreshed and renewed remembering that my day is not for me but it's for Him. I choose to rejoice with the Psalmist when he says: "This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118:24)
Blessings & Good Night,